That was rude. I swear February isn’t worth the cost of admission with how fast it goes, but at the same time, it is always packed full. I had set goals of Finish It February. I made a very clear list of the three projects that I was going to complete in the month. And yet, none were completed in February. I didn’t lose my knojo, I simply hit road blocks. Since nothing got finished in February, do we try for Make it in March?

New cast-ons:

Calliope Sweater

Coffee Sweaters

Works in progress:

Kaleyn Mesh Shawl

Reknit socks for Feebs

Gingerbraid Cardigan

Highlights Tunic Dress

Shatar Vest

Goals for next month:

Cast on some Dream Knitting projects

Fix/ finish Feebs’s socks

Home remodel project

Yes, I did knit, thank you. No, I didn’t finish. I must say I am rather bumbed out by that. I had grand plans, really I did. I knit a whole bunch on Feebs’s socks. I got to mid-calf and had her try them on to assess how much yarn was going to be left over. Now, I factored in an additional 1.5 inches for the foot when I cast on because her feet grow like weeds. Why, then did the socks just barely fit her feet? This child grew an extra 1.5 inches in a month and now the socks fit very snug. That means I need to hack off both toes and give her an additional 2 inches in a contrast color. Even doing that, she will likely outgrow them by Summer. That was very discouraging. Needless to say, they are in a timeout until I am ready to deal with them. The the shawl isn’t to blame for its state of unfinish. Honestly, the knitting isn’t even bad. I know me and I know that the main reason I don’t want to finish knitting it is that then I have to string fringe and tie on a bazillion beads. It is fiddley and sounds like a lot of not fun. But I need to get it done. This is past the point of ridiculous, and I can no longer blame my broken brain on the fact that it’s not finished and gifted. I need to buckle down and just get on with it. Oh, I did get one of my dream knits (before I wrote the post about it) on the needles. I cast on a Calliope sweater. I have one in teal already, and I think it is one of my most worn sweaters that I have ever knit. I love the drape and shape of it. So far, I have knit the collar. I need to move on with the short row shaping and then it is just a basic raglan sweater. I picked the yarn up a local hospice thrift shop, it’s a gorgeous Lana Grossa merino in dark orange. I will love wearing this. I also got onto a kick of knitting Coffee Sweaters. I love those things and they take about an hour to knit. I am thinking it will be a great thing to do to use up some of the scrap basket. Another thing I accomplished was clearing out my Ravelry projects page. I eliminated the Vinca hat and a couple of other projects that were going nowhere.

February, my fleeting love, you kill me each year. Aside from the fact that there are a metric ton of birthdays in this month, mine included, the month is just full of people and always busy. The first week was unfortunately spent still recovering from the weird that happened in January and with my uncle’s funeral. It is incredibly odd that there has now been a death within my parent’s generation. He was the Father’s brother in law. We got together with that side of the family, which was bittersweet. We haven’t seen them in a long time, and it’s unfortunate that weddings and funerals are what bring people together. I have vowed to see my cousins though, and not lose the connection. The next weekend was spent trying to help the Mother get her house ready to list, along with more medical crazy (this time it was hers not mine.) The house prep took up the following weekend, too. My birthday happened in their, but it was no big deal. Each year is taking a larger toll, and 44 is no different. The week after that was a bit more chill. The Father came so we could celebrate our birthdays together. We took him to a new Filipino restaurant by our house. Holy crap, it was an experience. They had a live band and put on quite a show. We even got up and danced together. That weekend the Husband took me to a Fluffy show in San Jose. The weekend started with him picking me up from work with no hair. He had gone and cut all of his long hair off. I spent a solid minute just giggling. I absolutely LOVE him with his short hair! It is weird how much younger he looks. And he once again looks like that guy I met. I loved the surprise. We went to the show and had a great time. Fluffy always does a great show and we were really close to the stage. We stayed a hotel for the night, which was awesome. It was so nice to not have to rush home. We went to the San Jose Flea Market the next morning. We hadn’t been there since before Covid, so it was a lot of fun to go back and see what had changed. On the way home, we stopped at Cicero’s and made my whole day better. The next day, Feebs had a birthday party to go to. It was at the place that she wants to have her party too. It was a good trial run of what to expect. The last week was a bit crazy. I was having health issues which required steroid treatment. Steroids do NOT like my brain. They always make me very manic, and boy howdy, did they. I had to have a 3 day course, so life was very exciting for the last week. We ended it up at the O’s house, which was probably a big mistake. I was not in a good head space for chaos. We did have a good time though, all things considered.

The month was very busy and emotional. I got some answers and I got some setbacks. I aged a year and got a younger looking husband. There was a lot of good with the bad over the shortest month of the year. I continue to be eternally grateful for my tribe. I don’t know what I would do without the people in my life. I am not trying to sound dramatic, but I honestly don’t know how or if I would have survived this last 8 months without them. March will be it’s own beast with its own issues and chaos, but February finally felt like a turning point. I felt less hopeless and more like I could get on top of my medical issues. They aren’t going away, but I am less scare of them. I am also beginning to be less scared of my own body. I am ready to stat on this track and start to develop my new normal.

Loves,

M

Well good lord, look at us at the start of our 3rd year of All the makes! Darling, we may get the hang of this blog thing after all. January was quite a pinnacle month, holy crap. It was the month at the very highest point of the emotional rollercoaster that has been the last seven months of my life. We haven’t begun the descent yet, but the anticipation is edged with the tiniest bit of hope. Another thing that has made a very slow climb back up the rails is knitting. There there are no Finished Objects or New Cast Ons for this month, but there is a desire to knit coming back and that is one thousand times better.

Works in Progress:

Shatar Vest

Knit House Cardigan

Vinca Hat

Highlights Tunic dress

Thelma Top

Kaylen Mesh Scarf

Barebones Fingerless Mitts

Gingerbraid

Reknit socks for Feebs

Goals for next month:

Identify dead projects

Post a new Dream Knitting

Cast on something amazing

So, no finishing got done, but there was finally a happy amount of knitting. It wasn’t glamorous knitting, but it was knitting and that is all that matters. Years ago, I think it was shortly after I began to knit socks for real and had discovered the world of hand-dyed sock yarn, I purchased Lolodidit Everyday Sock in the color Sweet Tooth. I was nowhere near working out the formula for my vanilla socks, and knit myself a pair of socks that were too loose in the foot and too short in the cuff. Since I knit them as part of the Grocery Girls monthly Sock Talk challenge, I was so proud of them and wore them anyway. Fast-forward eight years and they are in the extra cubby in my closet, where all problematic socks go to be forgotten about. Feebs found them and told me how much she loved the yarn and wished they fit her. This is a long drawn out way of telling you that I am unravelling my old socks and knitting new socks for Feebs out of them. I got a new cutout of her foot, and got to work. I am knitting them toe up and got mostly to the heel by the end of the month. So not fancy knitting, by any means, but hey, something is happening! I have also been hardcore creeping patterns in my library and then musing what would work with my stash. There may be some matches made in heaven for knitwear in February. Through this whole seven-month debacle, no other crafts have hit my fancy, and that still hasn’t changed. We will see if anything changes going forward.

I will get to talking about what happened in the full month shortly, but before I do, allow me to spin you a tale about when Mrs. Collins done lost her whole mind and went on a two-month long stress-clean. Darling, it is well known in my circle that about once a year I get a bee in my bonnet and get going on a declutter or stress clean. During these times, that generally last a little over a week or two depending on flexibility of scheduling, I will get an urge to tear into some clutter and give my soul a nice sigh of relief since I live with people who don’t understand anything about the word tidy. Early-ish December I got annoyed at the state of Feebs’s closet. My initial response was to start a mental redesign of our house to convert wasted space into more useable storage options. Then I was in our bonus room looking up at the high-level storage shelf and all of the disheveled clutter that was up there and thinking how much better that space could be utilized and organized, and just like that, I was off like a shot. Over the next two months: Everything was pulled out of Feebs’s closet and gone through, the clothing sizes were switched out and bagged or boxed up, the overhead storage was all pulled down and reorganized, things were moved to the attic in a organized fashion, along with the Christmas stuff that was finally taken down and boxed up, the semi-annual toy rodeo and donate effort was completed, the books were gone through and Friends of Library continues to love us, and everything not kept has gone to the appropriate cousin or has gone to the appropriate donate. Feebs’s closet, bedroom, and her part of the bonus room is now cleared out and decluttered. I also cleared out her linen closet and the cabinet under her sink (ohmygod I have been meaning to do that for a year!). The bonus room was still a wreck, and it had nothing to do with her stuff. I dug in deep and brutally. I de-stashed and decluttered. I got rid of fabric, threw out the hoard of damaged man clothes that I will never actually do anything with, and donated all of the completely useable bedding that I was keeping for sewing purposes that I also wouldn’t ever use. It stung, but still felt necessary. All of the baskets of yarn around the room, specifically littered around my chair, were redistributed and reorganized. I pulled out the bags, needle case, notions, and other detritus. I then took my happy ass to Ikea and bought a couple tall narrow bookcases and bins and solved my storage solution. In addition, I have completely moved out of the Husband’s office, including the desk, so that all was gone through and has a home as well. I went through the junk drawer, the porch cubbies, and all of the other clutter catching areas in the house. Your girl was on fire. I pulled out everything and purged everything that made no sense. I then put away everything that was left over. By the time I put all my stash away, and had completely reorganized the bonus room I was faced with the cold harsh fact that I have absolutely no more room to buy anything else. I am writing this with absolutely no sarcasm. All existing yarn storage is at capacity and there is no more room at the inn. This goes for the fabric storage as well. There is absolutely no more room. I can always buy more bins and throw more things into the attic, but within in what I consider to be reasonable space (which, let’s be honest, is a very decent amount of space) I am at full capacity. This was very harsh indeed. So this is what has triggered the great stash pairing of 2025, the great match up. I’m still working on it, so definitely expect a Dream knitting to be coming shortly.

Gosh, that was fun. I honestly don’t think that I have ever been on that long or intensive of a stress-clean before. As I write this now, I am still in that process, so who knows when it will actually end. Anyhoo… The first week of January was the new year, and obviously we were with the O’s the first day, which was lovely. After leaving there, Feebs and I went to spend a few days with the Father. We had dinner with his lady and Wanda & Lenard. It was really great to see that couple. I haven’t spent any time with them, and they got a kick out of Feebs. We did the traditional festive night golf with the Father and had a great time. We then headed home and I did more cleaning and organizing. We saw the Husband’s side of the family for lunch. I must say, his oldest nephews are pretty cool kids. The following week was doctor’s appointments, labs, and the usual medical things. The appointments were all building up to the final appointment at the end of the month. It turned out that I am not a candidate for physical therapy for my neck issues, so I was waiting for a consult with a spine surgeon, also at the end of the month. That weekend was all about getting Feebs ready for 5th grade camp. This was her first stay-away experience, and I wasn’t quite ready for it. We had her packed within an inch of her life and ready to take on any necessary survival measure that came her way. Naturally, none of this was needed, and she had an amazing time. It felt very weird having her gone for a week, knowing she wasn’t with family. The husband and I felt a little lost, to be perfectly honest. The week went very fast though, and before we knew it, she was home. I will say, that having her away for that week did get my mind on a tiny rabbit hole about what our lives will look like after she leaves home. What our routine and adventures will look like. I am sure I will muse more on that at a much later date, when it is closer to relevant. That weekend was fairly busy getting the girl all settled in and back in a routine. Then the Sunday was packed with breakfast with the Mother and the Aunt in Law. I have really enjoyed those, but I fear I am the minority. They don’t seem to click, at an awkward level. I don’t want to force it, but am not sure if I am reading it correctly. After that I had lunch with Sister #2. We had a lovely meet up and walked around and chatted about our lives. I love having those lunches. The following day was MLK day, so that was a very nice 3-day weekend. It was also inauguration day and LouHou’s birthday, so it was a very mixed bag of emotions. The following day was my lumbar puncture, and holy crap did that end up spinning out into three weeks worth of What the Actual F*#k!? Lets summarize it to say that I will be much more cautious and humble the next time I need another tap. That was an experience that I would like to not re-live. The ripple affect of it messed with just about every aspect of my life, and still isn’t cleared up as I write this. That literally sums up the last 2 weeks of January, until I got to the 31st. The last day of the month was a complete and utter shitstorm. We were booked back to back with appointments, starting with the neuro appointment that I had been waiting and working up to for two months. The Cliff’s notes: My diagnosis from the past eight years is incorrect, and I have the other suspected disease. There are no changes to my scans, so her initial thought is to continue on with the doubled dose of my infusion meds, but she will be seeking an opinion from other doctors at a symposium in February. There is a difference between a treatment plan and medications for symptom management. She explained this to me when I broke down crying that my symptoms are getting worse, and how frustrated that made me because we aren’t making any changes to my treatment. She explained to me that symptoms and flares with my disease are incredibly common and she will use medications to manage them. If the meds that I am on currently aren’t working, then we will switch them until we find the right fit for managing the symptoms and flare ups. The overall treatment plan is the medication that I am taking to attach the overall disease itself, and she sees no reason to change that, as yet. I can’t tell you how helpful it was to hear this explained. I felt completely powerless and like the only thing that was going to make any difference to my daily life and function was to change treatment plans, but now I know that there are two completely different paths. We have switched my meds (spoiler alert) and I get to start tapering off of the horrid meds that I was on. I am counting down the days until those have completely vacated my body. I have to wait till mid-February for the outcome of the treatment plan, but at least now I feel like there may be light at the end of the tunnel and I that I am not just tied to the tracks waiting for the train. As for the spine surgeon, he was a trip. He was my age, and made reference the fact by comparing me to his sister. He was also all over the place with options. The first one being surgery, and the last being home physical therapy. I opted for the physical therapy first, then escalate as needed. Call me crazy, but I prefer to stretch first, cut later.

Being that January, first month of the new year, started out so rocky I am going into the rest of the year with incredible caution. I feel that there is some hope for resolution on a few things, improvement on others. I will hopefully start to feel like I have a little more control of my life and my brain as I come off of the meds. I am very hopeful that my new migraine med will just work on the migraines and not mess with anything else in there. I want to want to do things again, and feel excited about something. I want to knit and make things that make me happy again. I want to feel like Mrs. Collins again. Let’s go quietly and not draw attention to ourselves, and maybe the universe will be too distracted to pay us much mind.

Loves,

M

Well darling, I did warn you that things went way off the rails. I am sad to report that nothing has really improved. In fact things have gone more off track along the way. Making in all forms has derailed. So has my attention span, my enjoyment of all things, my memory, my ability to word in written or verbal form, and pretty much anything that makes sense in my head. On the good side of things, I am starting to get answers and will hopefully be switching treatment to match my new diagnosis (really weird switch, after almost 8 years). Once that switch has been made and all other weird ailments have been addressed, hopefully I will be on my way to the old regular Mrs. Collins insanity.

Finished Objects:

Rota Top by Irene Lin. I knit this Rowan Summerlite DK. This top looks so fancy and complicated, but it honestly wasn’t. Well, fancy yes, but not complicated. There may be a separate post.

I knit an Everyday Slouchy Beanie by Dragon Hoard Designs for a teacher’s Christmas gift, but totally forgot to take pictures of it before we gifted it. It was knit in To the Mack’s yarn held double with a cream silk mohair. It turned out gorgeous. It would have been fantastic if my ridiculous self would have remembered to take a picture…

New Cast Ons:

Kaylen Mesh Scarf

Barebones Mitts

Works in Progress:

Highlights tunic dress

Thelma top

Vinca hat

Goals for next month:

Find a groove with making

Find a decadent cast on

NY Cast on

2025 making goals

That is all I have made in four months (I think). I even cast on the Kaylen Mesh Shawl for Sister #3’s 50th birthday, in October, and have yet to complete it. My mojo has gone on an extended vacation. For a while, knitting was the only thing that I was able to do, then almost over night any urge I had to do anything completely fled. I have been trying desperately to find something to knit that sparks my fancy. I have scoured Ravelry a few times looking for some kind of inspiration to strike and make my soul want to cast on and knit my heart out. It hasn’t worked so far, but I will keep hope. Thank goodness at the last second I was able to find the umph to knock out the teacher hat for Feebs’s teacher and complete 98% of her 25th day of Advent gift. Those will show up in December’s post because I have the tiniest bit of finishing work to do that I need her hand size to complete. I am frustrated and a bit sad at my lack of knitting joy, but I am hopeful that big change is on the horizon and that my long time love affair with knitting with be back on shortly.

Everything since July has been a giant blur, so I will have to suffice with the highlights and skip the small fun details. In August we had our big family bbq. Unfortunately I was still in a peak health crisis and had to take Dramamine in order to make the 2-hour car ride to Sister #2’s house. To say I was not quite with it is the understatement of the decade. My nephews kept checking on me to be sure I was okay. The week after that, Feebs started 5th grade. I can’t believed my baby is in her last year of elementary school. Good God, time has flown by! We also had a weekend with the O’s, which was nice. Ms. Jan had a major health crisis and scared the hell out of all of us, so we went up to see them instead of them coming to us. We didn’t mind the switch and enjoyed our time. September started with Sister #2’s 50th and Mimi’s 10th birthdays. We had a wonderful time celebrating them. October was complete and total insanity. We went on our annual trek to Mendocino and had an amazing time. It was full of naps and chill. It wasn’t a reset, but it was a relax that I desperately needed. Right after that came Sister #3’s 50th birthday party and it was a fabulous time. We had so much fun and it was exactly what she wanted it to be. I saw friends of my sisters that I hadn’t seen since they got married, who have known me since I was 9. It was so much fun. The following weekend was the Husband’s 50th birthday party. We rented a house in West Lake Tahoe and had the O’s, the Mark, and the NH peeps, but only he came. We spent three days up there and had so much fun. The Husband had the best time. He said it was exactly what he wanted and it turned out how he had envisioned. I can’t tell you how happy that made me. November started with the Mother and I going on our trip to Reno for her late birthday. We spent 5 days there and we had the best time. I had to go nasty awful shopping, but it was necessary and now it is done for another 6 years. We had a horrible drive home in the snow, but we survived and all is well. For Thanksgiving the Mother joined us for a dinner out at a local Italian restaurant. I loved this arrangement. No one had to stress or cook or make a fuss. We went to a lovely restaurant and had delicious food. Then we went home and were in our jammies by 7:30 pm. I think this may be a tradition.

So this is the Cliff’s notes of 4 months. I am sure I am missing a ton of highlights and amazing lowlights, but that is all that my memory can recall. I am still very frustrated with the lack of interest in doing things, knitting especially, but I am trying to be kind to myself. I am being patient and not allowing myself to be critical, mostly because I have absolutely no decision in the matter. I will keep scrolling on Ravelry and continue to look for inspiration and motivation. I will periodically creep my yarn stash and caress pretty yarn to try to make myself crave the feel of it in my hands. I will even review some of my sweaters and see if there is anything in my collection that I simply must have in other colors or textures (I’m looking at you, Calliope). My mojo will come back as will my health and my brain, if there is a kind universe.

So that wraps it up. December should be a bit more detailed and clear. So far I hope to have separate posts for Bliss Shorts and Rota Top by end of year or early New Year. I hope in December I can talk about falling in love with a sexy little new cast on and how I am so in love with her and how happy she is making me. I also hope to talk about my goals for 2025 and how excited I am for it. We’ll see what comes next.

Loves,

M