May is such a beautiful month. Life is in bloom, the weather is starting to warm up, and
my soul starts to thaw from the winter cold. It is always a busy month with Mother’s Day
and the end of school drawing near. It is also the time of year when my desire to work
on cold weather knits starts to decline. I start to think about plant based fibers and
flowy, breezy garments. This month held no finished objects, but there was quite a lot
of knitting, including three new cast ons.

New Cast Ons:

Doctor Who Scarf (Tom Baker)

Reset Socks

Vanilla Socks

Works in Progress:

Shatar vest

Re-Make socks for Feebs

Highlights Tunic Dress

Gingerbraid

Kaylen Mesh Scarf

Goals for next month:

Finish Doctor Who Scarf by Father’s Day

Reassess WIPs- come up with a plan

Declutter (clothes, porch, toy room)

Continue next phases of the house project

Knitting did happen this month. Quite a bit, in fact. The problem came with the finishing
part. There has been no movement Gingerbraid. There has been no movement on the
Kaylen Mesh Scarf. There has been no movement on the Re-make socks for Feebs.
Good lord, that is a lot of stalled projects. I did pull out the Highlights Tunic dress, with
the intention of finishing it so that I can wear it in the nice warm weather. I have
absolutely no idea where I left off. I am not terribly in love with it, and I have some hard
decisions to make about where she goes from here. Do I have it in me to undo the poor
decisions made by past Mrs. Collins? I cast on the Doctor Who Scarf for the Husband.
I have it in my head that it is his Father’s Day gift, to keep me on track to finish in a
decent amount of time. I told him that he probably won’t have it on that day, but it should be around that time. This scarf is offending my delicate sensibilities terribly. The
asymmetry of it is making me twitch. So are all the of the ends I must weave in. I was
getting frustrated at the lack of finished objects that I had and wanted a pallet cleanser,
so I cast on some rainbow stripped socks to help me reset. Unfortunately, I had no
thicker weight sock yarn to use for contrast heels and cuffs, so those stalled once I got
the body of the sock completed. I had to put them aside until the yarn that I ordered
arrived. I will pick them back up once the yarn gets here. Then I cast on another sock to
knit while the Mother was in surgery. I grabbed a ball of man-sock yarn (that I bought
specifically for the Husband or the Father), for some reason. I also grabbed the wrong
size needles. I still cast on a sock in my size. The fabric is feeling very loose, so I am
not certain how I feel about this sock. I knitted the entire foot and heel but still am not
convinced that it is really for me. I will put it in time out and think about if I want to keep
going, or if I want to rip it out. I really feel the need for a finished knit. I thought rainbow
socks would be just the thing, but that hasn’t worked out yet. I may need to start
perusing for something fun to work on as a true reset.

May was good. It was busy, but what month isn’t? It started with a nephew’s 18th
birthday (Sister #3’s son). Holy crap, how are six of my rental children adults now?
That just doesn’t seem real to me. We went to his birthday party and that was really
nice. It was good to see him being celebrated, since he is generally so quiet. The
following weekend was Mother’s Day weekend. Friday night, I had dinner with the
ladies. We went to a restaurant that we had all been to before and had enjoyed ourselves.
This time, it kind of missed the mark. We still had a great time together, but not all were
satisfied with the meal. On Saturday, there was a school music festival that Feebs was
performing in. She did great. All the kids did great. After the festival Feebs and I took
the Mother to lunch. It was a series of unfortunate events, from the “special menu” to
the incorrect order to the second lunch that was necessary once we got home. We did
manage a nice, if slightly strained, picture of the three of us. Sunday was a bit of an
emotional day. I couldn’t think of anything to do and ended up just sending us home to
do regular Sunday stuff. I realize it is mostly on me, but I tend to feel very unimportant
and like an afterthought to everyone on Mother’s Day. I feel like crap on every single
Mother’s Day and tend to get a lot of anxiety each week that leads up to it. At this late
date, 11 years in, I would rather just cancel it going forward. The following week was
fairly busy. We had Open House for Feebs on Tuesday, the last one of elementary
school. Then I had my eye specialty appointment on Friday. We didn’t plan our day
well and had to mostly skip our yummy Redwood City restaurant. All was well at the doctor. My vision issues have cleared up nicely, I think. Once we got home,
Feebs and I ended up heading to the Father’s house for the weekend. We had a nice
weekend with him. He surprised Feebs with a golf cart ride to McDonald’s and a really
cool light show at the Galleria. We played cards and Feebs had a blast every time she
won a game. The Father cracked up every time Feebs did her “I’ve got my eyes on
you” motion. We left fairly early on Sunday so that we could go to FHs bestie’s 11 th birthday party. He had it at his house with lots of school friends. Feebs had a really
good time and participated with everyone. That week was another very busy one. I had
round two of my infusion appointments. They weren’t bad at all. Nothing compared to
the 5-day treatment schedule. I felt a little achy and headachy on Thursday night/
Friday morning, but I am hopeful that I just needed to hydrate more. Feebs and I
attended her 6 th grade orientation/ walk-thru at the new school. It was informative and
helped her to get a feel for how the school is laid out. She is excited by all of the clubs
at the school. On Thursday I had to report for jury duty… The one time I can’t serve is
the one time they send me to Richmond. I have wanted Richmond each time I get a
summons, and I always get stuck going to Pittsburg. I got to see the old health center
and it was so sad. The poor little dilapidated building that holds so many memories.
Apparently, this was the 3rd pull of jurors and girl, it was a 23-day long trial! I understand
how important it is to do your civic duty and serve on a jury. Any other time I wouldn’t
have tried to get out of it (and I swear, they ALWAYS pick me). This time, however, I
had to put in for hardship. The jury selection was scheduled for 10:25 on the following
Tuesday. The mother’s surgery was scheduled for 10:30 on the same day. There was
no way I could be in two places at once. I was terrified that they wouldn’t release me,
and that I couldn’t be there for her surgery. Thankfully, I did get dismissed. We had
ladies’ night on Saturday. It was good to check in with my gorgeous golden girls.
Things are moving forward for the northerly one. We will all be going to help clear the
decks once all the dust has settled for her. The littlest O didn’t make the cheerleading
team, which was sad. The only good thing is that they will be able to have a summer
and get to come to Feebs’s party. The following Tuesday was the Mother’s surgery. It
took 5 hours but was a fantastic success. She came out of anesthesia very well and did
amazingly during her whole hospital stay. She did better this time than she did 20 years
ago, when her body was younger and more adapted at surgery. It bothered me, not
being able to go see her every day, but she did so good and all went so well. The
Father came on Thursday night so that he could attend Feebs’s 5 th grade promotion
ceremony. It was so sweet. The kindergarten class came out and sang to them and
wished them congratulations. I almost burst into tears, remembering her as a little 5-
year-old. She did so good and was so proud of herself. Weather’s made her a really
cute money lei, and she was thrilled to receive it. I can’t believe my girl will be going
into Junior High… Crazy times. Oh, and Stage 1 of the house project was finally
finished!!! The windows, siding, and trim are complete. We have a new front and side
door. The French doors were walled in and now there are now functioning windows on
our porch. And Feebs FINALLY has a window in her bathroom. Hooray! We have an
appointment for Stage 2 (which was unexpected), and it will repair and replace all of the
interior trim that was torn away or missing with the new window structure. Stage 3- front
yard landscaping will be scheduled once the garage doors are in and after we have paid
for Stage 2. Stage 4- decks probably won’t be completed this year, sadly. I live in wonder if we will ever complete that stage. That is one thing that I have wanted to do since we bought the house, but something else always gets prioritized over it.

May is done, and June will be pretty packed. I can’t even describe how relieved I am
that the Mother’s surgery went well. I am so glad that it is done and behind her and now
she can start healing. I am glad that my May treatment went well, and June is
scheduled. I am happy that Feebs has finished the first chapter of her school life, and
we all have survived so far. I am thankful for my chosen sisters and the constant
support that we give each other. I am thankful that Summer is on the way and warmer,
longer nights are approaching. I am thankful for all that I have and everything that is
good in my life.

And because I haven’t updated anything since the beginning of the year, here is the
current Knitting Bingo card.

Loves,

M

Yeah, I know. I just finished and published March. I am a little bit ahead this month, happily. I have a finished object and I am so excited about it! I am not saying that my inner-KNITTER is 100% back, but I feel like she is emerging more and more. I am beginning to enjoy knitting again. Even when it doesn’t turn out the way I had planned.

Finished objects:

Calliope, by Espace Tricot. This is the second time that I knit this sweater. Mistakes were made, but they were user error. This is a great pattern and easy to follow. She will have her own post shortly.

New Cast ons:

Heart of Glass- gift knit

Works in progress:

Shatar Vest

Highland Tunic Dress

Gingerbraid

Remake socks for Feebs

Kaylen Mesh Shawl

Goals for next month:

Finish Heart of Glass by Mother’s Day

Survive the chaos that will be May

Self care- make time for mental health breaks

Wow, wow, wow! I finished something! That is a really great feeling. I have missed that feeling. And right after I bound off Calliope, I cast on Heart of Glass and have made really great progress on it. My goal is to finish it by Mother’s Day so that I can cast on the Dr. Who scarf for the Husband. I would like to finish it by Father’s Day, but I am not putting pressure on myself. It is approximately 7 feet of garter stitch with roughly one million ends to weave in. If I can come close to finishing by his day, I will consider that a success. I am generally a selfish knitter, but for some reason I have been wanting to knit for others instead of myself. The Heart of Glass is for the Mother. It’s not her Mother’s Day present (she got that back in March when her Kindle died). I just thought she would love the yarn and she had already told me that she loved the pattern when I was showing her my Ravelry queue. Between you and me, darling, I am very disappointed at how little yarn it is using. I thought I would be able to blow through all three of the skeins, and I think I will barely crack into the second one. Oh well. I can always knit something else with the left overs. I was musing about the possibility of sewing and touching base with myself if it was something I wanted to start thinking about. I confirmed that I don’t want to sew right now, and that is okay. I am just getting my knitting legs back under me, so I will be happy with that for now and leave the rest for later.

April started with a bang. Day one: I had my official diagnosis and treatment plan change. My labs have come back conclusive for MOGAD instead of MS. This means the treatment I have been on for 2-years is being discontinued and I have started the IVIG treatment instead. The rest of the week wasn’t nearly as eventful. The Mother and I finally managed to go have our dinner out together. One of my all time favorite seafood restaurants is closing, after like 50-years in business, so we went there for dinner. Hopefully I will be able to go one more time before they are closed, but if not, at least I got to have it with her. The following week was Feebs’s Spring Break. She spent the whole week at the Mother’s house, and they had a blast together. I went over and had dinner with them a couple of times, but all in all, I didn’t see Feebs much that week. The following weekend we had our long awaited and many times postponed dinner with the FH bestie and his family. It was a very nice evening. We always enjoy hanging out with them. We also celebrated the best Lamb’s 11th birthday. That means that Feebs is right behind her (quietly sobbing). The following weekend we had birthday drinks with Kennard and Weather’s. It was a small, intimate group, but it was a really nice evening out. I really enjoy all three of them and it is always nice to get some people away from work. That weekend was also Easter, which meant the Husband’s family gathering. I love that group of people. I always get so overwhelmed by large groups of people, but I do love seeing them all. And there were babies, which thrilled me to no end. The following week was the 5-day IVIG treatment. I won’t get into the gory details, but suffice it to say that it was ROUGH. I handled the first three days okay but those last two flattened me. I was very hopeful that I would be able to work around the infusion schedule, but at least for that first week, it wasn’t possible. They gave me full doses of Benadryl each day, which SUCKED. I am very hopeful that as I progress and my body gets used to the meds, I can phase out the Benadryl or at least lower the dose. I ended up so sick after that I missed an additional two days of work. Good times. I am going to believe that it will get better with time. The rest of the week/ month was spent recuperating and getting my system back on-line. My stomach and sleep were greatly affected and it took a while to get everything settled again. Oh, and they also started the work on our house. By the last day of the month, my house was completely naked and had very large holes in all the attics. I am still freaking out about the cost of everything, but it is now out of my control and I just have to go with the flow. (I will still be praying that we don’t run out of money before they are done with the structural work.)

So, that was the month. It definitely packed a memorable punch. I had a lot of changes come up and I feel that we all rolled with them as best as we could. I cannot be more grateful for the kickass support system that I have behind me. My little tri-pod of love completely supports me when I am close to collapsing. I will forever be indebted to these three people in my life. They own my whole entire heart. I know that we all have each other’s backs and that we can count on each other. I also feel confident that I can handle this new treatment plan. It maybe hard for a bit, but I think I will adjust over time. Look at me being all positive Pollyanna!

That’s it then. May is going to be pure chaos, from start to finish. But, I have hope that it will be a smooth and positive month. There is some scary stuff coming up, but I know that I can handle it and all will be well. That will be my mantra till June.

Loves,

M

That was rude. I swear February isn’t worth the cost of admission with how fast it goes, but at the same time, it is always packed full. I had set goals of Finish It February. I made a very clear list of the three projects that I was going to complete in the month. And yet, none were completed in February. I didn’t lose my knojo, I simply hit road blocks. Since nothing got finished in February, do we try for Make it in March?

New cast-ons:

Calliope Sweater

Coffee Sweaters

Works in progress:

Kaleyn Mesh Shawl

Reknit socks for Feebs

Gingerbraid Cardigan

Highlights Tunic Dress

Shatar Vest

Goals for next month:

Cast on some Dream Knitting projects

Fix/ finish Feebs’s socks

Home remodel project

Yes, I did knit, thank you. No, I didn’t finish. I must say I am rather bumbed out by that. I had grand plans, really I did. I knit a whole bunch on Feebs’s socks. I got to mid-calf and had her try them on to assess how much yarn was going to be left over. Now, I factored in an additional 1.5 inches for the foot when I cast on because her feet grow like weeds. Why, then did the socks just barely fit her feet? This child grew an extra 1.5 inches in a month and now the socks fit very snug. That means I need to hack off both toes and give her an additional 2 inches in a contrast color. Even doing that, she will likely outgrow them by Summer. That was very discouraging. Needless to say, they are in a timeout until I am ready to deal with them. The the shawl isn’t to blame for its state of unfinish. Honestly, the knitting isn’t even bad. I know me and I know that the main reason I don’t want to finish knitting it is that then I have to string fringe and tie on a bazillion beads. It is fiddley and sounds like a lot of not fun. But I need to get it done. This is past the point of ridiculous, and I can no longer blame my broken brain on the fact that it’s not finished and gifted. I need to buckle down and just get on with it. Oh, I did get one of my dream knits (before I wrote the post about it) on the needles. I cast on a Calliope sweater. I have one in teal already, and I think it is one of my most worn sweaters that I have ever knit. I love the drape and shape of it. So far, I have knit the collar. I need to move on with the short row shaping and then it is just a basic raglan sweater. I picked the yarn up a local hospice thrift shop, it’s a gorgeous Lana Grossa merino in dark orange. I will love wearing this. I also got onto a kick of knitting Coffee Sweaters. I love those things and they take about an hour to knit. I am thinking it will be a great thing to do to use up some of the scrap basket. Another thing I accomplished was clearing out my Ravelry projects page. I eliminated the Vinca hat and a couple of other projects that were going nowhere.

February, my fleeting love, you kill me each year. Aside from the fact that there are a metric ton of birthdays in this month, mine included, the month is just full of people and always busy. The first week was unfortunately spent still recovering from the weird that happened in January and with my uncle’s funeral. It is incredibly odd that there has now been a death within my parent’s generation. He was the Father’s brother in law. We got together with that side of the family, which was bittersweet. We haven’t seen them in a long time, and it’s unfortunate that weddings and funerals are what bring people together. I have vowed to see my cousins though, and not lose the connection. The next weekend was spent trying to help the Mother get her house ready to list, along with more medical crazy (this time it was hers not mine.) The house prep took up the following weekend, too. My birthday happened in their, but it was no big deal. Each year is taking a larger toll, and 44 is no different. The week after that was a bit more chill. The Father came so we could celebrate our birthdays together. We took him to a new Filipino restaurant by our house. Holy crap, it was an experience. They had a live band and put on quite a show. We even got up and danced together. That weekend the Husband took me to a Fluffy show in San Jose. The weekend started with him picking me up from work with no hair. He had gone and cut all of his long hair off. I spent a solid minute just giggling. I absolutely LOVE him with his short hair! It is weird how much younger he looks. And he once again looks like that guy I met. I loved the surprise. We went to the show and had a great time. Fluffy always does a great show and we were really close to the stage. We stayed a hotel for the night, which was awesome. It was so nice to not have to rush home. We went to the San Jose Flea Market the next morning. We hadn’t been there since before Covid, so it was a lot of fun to go back and see what had changed. On the way home, we stopped at Cicero’s and made my whole day better. The next day, Feebs had a birthday party to go to. It was at the place that she wants to have her party too. It was a good trial run of what to expect. The last week was a bit crazy. I was having health issues which required steroid treatment. Steroids do NOT like my brain. They always make me very manic, and boy howdy, did they. I had to have a 3 day course, so life was very exciting for the last week. We ended it up at the O’s house, which was probably a big mistake. I was not in a good head space for chaos. We did have a good time though, all things considered.

The month was very busy and emotional. I got some answers and I got some setbacks. I aged a year and got a younger looking husband. There was a lot of good with the bad over the shortest month of the year. I continue to be eternally grateful for my tribe. I don’t know what I would do without the people in my life. I am not trying to sound dramatic, but I honestly don’t know how or if I would have survived this last 8 months without them. March will be it’s own beast with its own issues and chaos, but February finally felt like a turning point. I felt less hopeless and more like I could get on top of my medical issues. They aren’t going away, but I am less scare of them. I am also beginning to be less scared of my own body. I am ready to stat on this track and start to develop my new normal.

Loves,

M

Well good lord, look at us at the start of our 3rd year of All the makes! Darling, we may get the hang of this blog thing after all. January was quite a pinnacle month, holy crap. It was the month at the very highest point of the emotional rollercoaster that has been the last seven months of my life. We haven’t begun the descent yet, but the anticipation is edged with the tiniest bit of hope. Another thing that has made a very slow climb back up the rails is knitting. There there are no Finished Objects or New Cast Ons for this month, but there is a desire to knit coming back and that is one thousand times better.

Works in Progress:

Shatar Vest

Knit House Cardigan

Vinca Hat

Highlights Tunic dress

Thelma Top

Kaylen Mesh Scarf

Barebones Fingerless Mitts

Gingerbraid

Reknit socks for Feebs

Goals for next month:

Identify dead projects

Post a new Dream Knitting

Cast on something amazing

So, no finishing got done, but there was finally a happy amount of knitting. It wasn’t glamorous knitting, but it was knitting and that is all that matters. Years ago, I think it was shortly after I began to knit socks for real and had discovered the world of hand-dyed sock yarn, I purchased Lolodidit Everyday Sock in the color Sweet Tooth. I was nowhere near working out the formula for my vanilla socks, and knit myself a pair of socks that were too loose in the foot and too short in the cuff. Since I knit them as part of the Grocery Girls monthly Sock Talk challenge, I was so proud of them and wore them anyway. Fast-forward eight years and they are in the extra cubby in my closet, where all problematic socks go to be forgotten about. Feebs found them and told me how much she loved the yarn and wished they fit her. This is a long drawn out way of telling you that I am unravelling my old socks and knitting new socks for Feebs out of them. I got a new cutout of her foot, and got to work. I am knitting them toe up and got mostly to the heel by the end of the month. So not fancy knitting, by any means, but hey, something is happening! I have also been hardcore creeping patterns in my library and then musing what would work with my stash. There may be some matches made in heaven for knitwear in February. Through this whole seven-month debacle, no other crafts have hit my fancy, and that still hasn’t changed. We will see if anything changes going forward.

I will get to talking about what happened in the full month shortly, but before I do, allow me to spin you a tale about when Mrs. Collins done lost her whole mind and went on a two-month long stress-clean. Darling, it is well known in my circle that about once a year I get a bee in my bonnet and get going on a declutter or stress clean. During these times, that generally last a little over a week or two depending on flexibility of scheduling, I will get an urge to tear into some clutter and give my soul a nice sigh of relief since I live with people who don’t understand anything about the word tidy. Early-ish December I got annoyed at the state of Feebs’s closet. My initial response was to start a mental redesign of our house to convert wasted space into more useable storage options. Then I was in our bonus room looking up at the high-level storage shelf and all of the disheveled clutter that was up there and thinking how much better that space could be utilized and organized, and just like that, I was off like a shot. Over the next two months: Everything was pulled out of Feebs’s closet and gone through, the clothing sizes were switched out and bagged or boxed up, the overhead storage was all pulled down and reorganized, things were moved to the attic in a organized fashion, along with the Christmas stuff that was finally taken down and boxed up, the semi-annual toy rodeo and donate effort was completed, the books were gone through and Friends of Library continues to love us, and everything not kept has gone to the appropriate cousin or has gone to the appropriate donate. Feebs’s closet, bedroom, and her part of the bonus room is now cleared out and decluttered. I also cleared out her linen closet and the cabinet under her sink (ohmygod I have been meaning to do that for a year!). The bonus room was still a wreck, and it had nothing to do with her stuff. I dug in deep and brutally. I de-stashed and decluttered. I got rid of fabric, threw out the hoard of damaged man clothes that I will never actually do anything with, and donated all of the completely useable bedding that I was keeping for sewing purposes that I also wouldn’t ever use. It stung, but still felt necessary. All of the baskets of yarn around the room, specifically littered around my chair, were redistributed and reorganized. I pulled out the bags, needle case, notions, and other detritus. I then took my happy ass to Ikea and bought a couple tall narrow bookcases and bins and solved my storage solution. In addition, I have completely moved out of the Husband’s office, including the desk, so that all was gone through and has a home as well. I went through the junk drawer, the porch cubbies, and all of the other clutter catching areas in the house. Your girl was on fire. I pulled out everything and purged everything that made no sense. I then put away everything that was left over. By the time I put all my stash away, and had completely reorganized the bonus room I was faced with the cold harsh fact that I have absolutely no more room to buy anything else. I am writing this with absolutely no sarcasm. All existing yarn storage is at capacity and there is no more room at the inn. This goes for the fabric storage as well. There is absolutely no more room. I can always buy more bins and throw more things into the attic, but within in what I consider to be reasonable space (which, let’s be honest, is a very decent amount of space) I am at full capacity. This was very harsh indeed. So this is what has triggered the great stash pairing of 2025, the great match up. I’m still working on it, so definitely expect a Dream knitting to be coming shortly.

Gosh, that was fun. I honestly don’t think that I have ever been on that long or intensive of a stress-clean before. As I write this now, I am still in that process, so who knows when it will actually end. Anyhoo… The first week of January was the new year, and obviously we were with the O’s the first day, which was lovely. After leaving there, Feebs and I went to spend a few days with the Father. We had dinner with his lady and Wanda & Lenard. It was really great to see that couple. I haven’t spent any time with them, and they got a kick out of Feebs. We did the traditional festive night golf with the Father and had a great time. We then headed home and I did more cleaning and organizing. We saw the Husband’s side of the family for lunch. I must say, his oldest nephews are pretty cool kids. The following week was doctor’s appointments, labs, and the usual medical things. The appointments were all building up to the final appointment at the end of the month. It turned out that I am not a candidate for physical therapy for my neck issues, so I was waiting for a consult with a spine surgeon, also at the end of the month. That weekend was all about getting Feebs ready for 5th grade camp. This was her first stay-away experience, and I wasn’t quite ready for it. We had her packed within an inch of her life and ready to take on any necessary survival measure that came her way. Naturally, none of this was needed, and she had an amazing time. It felt very weird having her gone for a week, knowing she wasn’t with family. The husband and I felt a little lost, to be perfectly honest. The week went very fast though, and before we knew it, she was home. I will say, that having her away for that week did get my mind on a tiny rabbit hole about what our lives will look like after she leaves home. What our routine and adventures will look like. I am sure I will muse more on that at a much later date, when it is closer to relevant. That weekend was fairly busy getting the girl all settled in and back in a routine. Then the Sunday was packed with breakfast with the Mother and the Aunt in Law. I have really enjoyed those, but I fear I am the minority. They don’t seem to click, at an awkward level. I don’t want to force it, but am not sure if I am reading it correctly. After that I had lunch with Sister #2. We had a lovely meet up and walked around and chatted about our lives. I love having those lunches. The following day was MLK day, so that was a very nice 3-day weekend. It was also inauguration day and LouHou’s birthday, so it was a very mixed bag of emotions. The following day was my lumbar puncture, and holy crap did that end up spinning out into three weeks worth of What the Actual F*#k!? Lets summarize it to say that I will be much more cautious and humble the next time I need another tap. That was an experience that I would like to not re-live. The ripple affect of it messed with just about every aspect of my life, and still isn’t cleared up as I write this. That literally sums up the last 2 weeks of January, until I got to the 31st. The last day of the month was a complete and utter shitstorm. We were booked back to back with appointments, starting with the neuro appointment that I had been waiting and working up to for two months. The Cliff’s notes: My diagnosis from the past eight years is incorrect, and I have the other suspected disease. There are no changes to my scans, so her initial thought is to continue on with the doubled dose of my infusion meds, but she will be seeking an opinion from other doctors at a symposium in February. There is a difference between a treatment plan and medications for symptom management. She explained this to me when I broke down crying that my symptoms are getting worse, and how frustrated that made me because we aren’t making any changes to my treatment. She explained to me that symptoms and flares with my disease are incredibly common and she will use medications to manage them. If the meds that I am on currently aren’t working, then we will switch them until we find the right fit for managing the symptoms and flare ups. The overall treatment plan is the medication that I am taking to attach the overall disease itself, and she sees no reason to change that, as yet. I can’t tell you how helpful it was to hear this explained. I felt completely powerless and like the only thing that was going to make any difference to my daily life and function was to change treatment plans, but now I know that there are two completely different paths. We have switched my meds (spoiler alert) and I get to start tapering off of the horrid meds that I was on. I am counting down the days until those have completely vacated my body. I have to wait till mid-February for the outcome of the treatment plan, but at least now I feel like there may be light at the end of the tunnel and I that I am not just tied to the tracks waiting for the train. As for the spine surgeon, he was a trip. He was my age, and made reference the fact by comparing me to his sister. He was also all over the place with options. The first one being surgery, and the last being home physical therapy. I opted for the physical therapy first, then escalate as needed. Call me crazy, but I prefer to stretch first, cut later.

Being that January, first month of the new year, started out so rocky I am going into the rest of the year with incredible caution. I feel that there is some hope for resolution on a few things, improvement on others. I will hopefully start to feel like I have a little more control of my life and my brain as I come off of the meds. I am very hopeful that my new migraine med will just work on the migraines and not mess with anything else in there. I want to want to do things again, and feel excited about something. I want to knit and make things that make me happy again. I want to feel like Mrs. Collins again. Let’s go quietly and not draw attention to ourselves, and maybe the universe will be too distracted to pay us much mind.

Loves,

M