yarn

All the makes- December 2024

mmcollins107Leave a comment

December went out quietly and the year is complete. Holy crap the year was a brutal one, but it is over and done and as the great Snoop Dog once said, “we can chill to the next episode.” I have higher but still realistic hopes for 2025. Making for this month still wasn’t good. I didn’t finish anything and I stalled on the one thing that I started on. I am still working to find a spark that can ignite my want to craft again. Hopefully the new year will have some changes that can bring back some of that old part of me.

New cast ons:

Gingerbraid

Sock remakes for Feebs

Works in progress:

Shatar Vest

Highlights Dress (timeout)

Knithouse Cardigan

Kaylen Mesh Scarf

Barebones Mitts

Goals for next month:

Finish the mitts

Finish Feebs’ socks

Finish all purging/ cleaning projects

Find a happy project

Finish budget project

Well darling, not much happened in the making department this month. Actually, that’s not true. I had a bit of a realization. Due to the mental symptoms that include the shit memory and inability to have a concentration level above that of a goldfish, it occurred to me that any knitting project that I try to tackle right now will have to be incredibly simple and involve a lot of muscle memory. Hence I decided to pull out some socks I never wear because they are far too loose on me and rip them out and knit new socks for Feebs. She asked for new socks, and she loves the yarn so I am close to starting the heal on both socks since I am knitting them two at a time. I think I will have to stick with socks and hats, since I can basically knit them by muscle memory with very little counting or memorization. Hopefully once my treatments change I will get my cognition back and I can move back to more complex things. (Fingers VERY crossed!)

Let’s try to recall what happened in December, shall we? The first week was very mellow and was all about getting ready for the upcoming holidays. I felt prepared pretty early this year, which is very unusual for me, as I am always scrambling at the last minute. The second week got a bit more exciting with our work holiday party. Many people participated and it was a lot of fun. The following day was my doctors appointments for my usual 6-month treatment. This is the first time the Husband went with me so that was an eye opening experience for him. The dose was doubled by my new doctor and it took me out of commission for over the weekend and into next week. The Mother also had an eye doctor appointment where they cauterized her tear ducts that week, so we are a collective hot mess. The following week was a superfluous appointment with a dietitian who agreed that most of my issues are either life-long genetic or specifically caused by medications that I’m currently taking that will stop once I am able to stop taking the meds. I had a lovely “thank you” lunch with the work ladies for putting on a fantastic holiday party. They do an amazing job each year and it would be a fraction of what it is if they didn’t do it. Then I got a whole bunch of hair cut off in the crusade to get rid of all of the color-treated hair before April. My hair is currently short and choppy/ shaggy. It doesn’t look bad, but I am over it being short now. I seem to keep having her go shorter and shorter at each hair cut. I just want it gone so that I can be done with it and move on to my next stage, whatever that will be. The next day, Kennard came over. It was so good to see them. We always enjoy hanging out with them. They brought Feebs a Lego set for Christmas and she was so excited about it. We had Pakistani food for dinner and chill conversation and laughs. The day after that was the big Family Christmas party. It was really good to see everyone We saw all of the sibs, the cousins, and next generations. Everyone had a great time. As usual, we didn’t stay for the games, as usual, the Brother gave me shit about it. Oh well, a good time was still had. We had one day of rest, in which I started to get an itch to start to declutter and purge. We started with Feebs’ books and her room and closet (and didn’t it spin out from there over the next month!). The following night we had the Husband’s side gathering. It was awesome. We thought we were just meeting up with his cousin for dinner, but it turned out to be a bunch of them. That was Christmas week. I worked all week, since I was taking the following week off. We kept if very low key and stayed home for everything but dinner on Christmas day. The Mother came with us and we found a seafood place that was open. We cut back on gifts this year, but no one noticed and we all had a great day. We had SIL #1 and family over for snacks and Winter Comforts that week and had a great visit. We had the Silver cousin come stay for a the weekend and we always love her visits. I am hoping that she will be back a couple of times before she moves to Japan before next year. We had a couple of adventure meals with her and she gave me the coolest gift EVER! She was able to get the After Dark Games to work on my computer. I don’t understand her wizardry, but I know that she was able to do some kind of magic to get it to work, and I am sooo excited about it. I never thought I would get to play Roof Rats again! I always take the week after Christmas week off, so I was thrilled to be off for nine whole days. Unfortunately, there is always unfinished school work to contend with, but we did get it done in time to have some free days. Feebs and I got some errands done and we had some great mommy and Feebs time. We got to spend NYE with our favorite people ever and ring in the new year with chosen family. The Male O got a job, which was definitely something to celebrate. The girls got to celebrate their 10th NYE together. We got to spend a couple of days with the Father and have our traditional mini-golf night. I had dinner with the Female McC all by myself, which was lovely and much needed. Then the weekend was spent getting everything ready to head back to school and work. All in all, it was a really great week off.

December is passed and the year is over, and I say farewell to them both. 2024 will be summed up separately, but what a turbulent year. December felt like a bit of a waiting room, honestly. I have a lot of tests and appointments (hopefully with answers and game plans) coming up in January, so December has felt like a hurdle that had to be jumped. I am ready for calm waters and fresh starts in the new year and mind is set for a bit of peace. Thanks for the memories, December, but let’s move on.

Loves,

M

P.S. The Husband has reported that after forty-three years of life and thirteen years together, I have become a snuggler in my sleep. I am in complete disbelief and am very bothered by this.

All the makes August- November 2024

mmcollins107Leave a comment

Well darling, I did warn you that things went way off the rails. I am sad to report that nothing has really improved. In fact things have gone more off track along the way. Making in all forms has derailed. So has my attention span, my enjoyment of all things, my memory, my ability to word in written or verbal form, and pretty much anything that makes sense in my head. On the good side of things, I am starting to get answers and will hopefully be switching treatment to match my new diagnosis (really weird switch, after almost 8 years). Once that switch has been made and all other weird ailments have been addressed, hopefully I will be on my way to the old regular Mrs. Collins insanity.

Finished Objects:

Rota Top by Irene Lin. I knit this Rowan Summerlite DK. This top looks so fancy and complicated, but it honestly wasn’t. Well, fancy yes, but not complicated. There may be a separate post.

I knit an Everyday Slouchy Beanie by Dragon Hoard Designs for a teacher’s Christmas gift, but totally forgot to take pictures of it before we gifted it. It was knit in To the Mack’s yarn held double with a cream silk mohair. It turned out gorgeous. It would have been fantastic if my ridiculous self would have remembered to take a picture…

New Cast Ons:

Kaylen Mesh Scarf

Barebones Mitts

Works in Progress:

Highlights tunic dress

Thelma top

Vinca hat

Goals for next month:

Find a groove with making

Find a decadent cast on

NY Cast on

2025 making goals

That is all I have made in four months (I think). I even cast on the Kaylen Mesh Shawl for Sister #3’s 50th birthday, in October, and have yet to complete it. My mojo has gone on an extended vacation. For a while, knitting was the only thing that I was able to do, then almost over night any urge I had to do anything completely fled. I have been trying desperately to find something to knit that sparks my fancy. I have scoured Ravelry a few times looking for some kind of inspiration to strike and make my soul want to cast on and knit my heart out. It hasn’t worked so far, but I will keep hope. Thank goodness at the last second I was able to find the umph to knock out the teacher hat for Feebs’s teacher and complete 98% of her 25th day of Advent gift. Those will show up in December’s post because I have the tiniest bit of finishing work to do that I need her hand size to complete. I am frustrated and a bit sad at my lack of knitting joy, but I am hopeful that big change is on the horizon and that my long time love affair with knitting with be back on shortly.

Everything since July has been a giant blur, so I will have to suffice with the highlights and skip the small fun details. In August we had our big family bbq. Unfortunately I was still in a peak health crisis and had to take Dramamine in order to make the 2-hour car ride to Sister #2’s house. To say I was not quite with it is the understatement of the decade. My nephews kept checking on me to be sure I was okay. The week after that, Feebs started 5th grade. I can’t believed my baby is in her last year of elementary school. Good God, time has flown by! We also had a weekend with the O’s, which was nice. Ms. Jan had a major health crisis and scared the hell out of all of us, so we went up to see them instead of them coming to us. We didn’t mind the switch and enjoyed our time. September started with Sister #2’s 50th and Mimi’s 10th birthdays. We had a wonderful time celebrating them. October was complete and total insanity. We went on our annual trek to Mendocino and had an amazing time. It was full of naps and chill. It wasn’t a reset, but it was a relax that I desperately needed. Right after that came Sister #3’s 50th birthday party and it was a fabulous time. We had so much fun and it was exactly what she wanted it to be. I saw friends of my sisters that I hadn’t seen since they got married, who have known me since I was 9. It was so much fun. The following weekend was the Husband’s 50th birthday party. We rented a house in West Lake Tahoe and had the O’s, the Mark, and the NH peeps, but only he came. We spent three days up there and had so much fun. The Husband had the best time. He said it was exactly what he wanted and it turned out how he had envisioned. I can’t tell you how happy that made me. November started with the Mother and I going on our trip to Reno for her late birthday. We spent 5 days there and we had the best time. I had to go nasty awful shopping, but it was necessary and now it is done for another 6 years. We had a horrible drive home in the snow, but we survived and all is well. For Thanksgiving the Mother joined us for a dinner out at a local Italian restaurant. I loved this arrangement. No one had to stress or cook or make a fuss. We went to a lovely restaurant and had delicious food. Then we went home and were in our jammies by 7:30 pm. I think this may be a tradition.

So this is the Cliff’s notes of 4 months. I am sure I am missing a ton of highlights and amazing lowlights, but that is all that my memory can recall. I am still very frustrated with the lack of interest in doing things, knitting especially, but I am trying to be kind to myself. I am being patient and not allowing myself to be critical, mostly because I have absolutely no decision in the matter. I will keep scrolling on Ravelry and continue to look for inspiration and motivation. I will periodically creep my yarn stash and caress pretty yarn to try to make myself crave the feel of it in my hands. I will even review some of my sweaters and see if there is anything in my collection that I simply must have in other colors or textures (I’m looking at you, Calliope). My mojo will come back as will my health and my brain, if there is a kind universe.

So that wraps it up. December should be a bit more detailed and clear. So far I hope to have separate posts for Bliss Shorts and Rota Top by end of year or early New Year. I hope in December I can talk about falling in love with a sexy little new cast on and how I am so in love with her and how happy she is making me. I also hope to talk about my goals for 2025 and how excited I am for it. We’ll see what comes next.

Loves,

M

All the makes- July 2024

mmcollins107Leave a comment

Can a month be hormonal? I mean can it be super manic and imbalanced? Asking for a friend. July was one crazy up and down month. A metric ton of knitting happened. A metric ton of stress happened. A metric ton of Mrs. Collins done lost her mind happened. Holy wow, it was a weird month. It wasn’t all bad, but it wasn’t all good. And hey, did I say there was a lot of knitting?

Finished objects:

Bliss Shorts by Muki Craft. I knit these in Cascade Yarns Venezia Sport. These are amazing, but there is a separate post all about them.

On the Go Socks- contrast toe, cuff and heel. I knit these as the second half of my on the go socks experiment. They worked out great. I think I will write a brief post about how these worked out, as well, because I have some cool notes on what I did with the toes and heels. More to come.

Oaken Shawl by Tin Can Knits. I knit this using Urth Yarns that the Father brought me back from England. I have knit this shawl before, but I just checked and there is no blog post, so I guess that will be coming soon. I have some feelings about this pattern.

New cast-ons:

Thelma Top

Rota Top

Works in progress:

Highland Tunic

Vinca

Shatar Vest

Stalled out Knitting my memories blanket

Goals for next month:

Finish Highlights Tunic

Cast on something gorgeous and squishy

Don’t don’t die or lose my mind

Get answers about my health stuff

So, a lot of knitting occurred in July. With all the health crap that happened, that we will get to shortly, all that I was able to look at and focus on was knitting. I knit my favorite thing ever, the Bliss Shorts. As I said, there is a separate post for them, but they are SO fun to knit and I love them! The second pair of on-the-go socks were just as successful as the first. I do intend to write a second post so that I can really decide which method I prefer more and weigh out the pros and cons. The Oaken Shawl also needs a post. It will become evident why when I write it. Suffice it to say that the shawl is gorgeous and I love both of the shawls that I have knit, but I do not love knitting the pattern. I have stalled on knitting the Highlights Tunic dress. I hit an annoying part of the pattern, plus the weather has started to cool off so she has been in and out of time out. My hat knitting has lost some interest for now. As the weather cools off more I will get more into the charity and cold weather knitting spirit. Obviously, no sewing, though I am constantly wanting to sew something. Someday I will understand this ever present block I have about it.

Oh darling, July started out so good. We had 4th of July the first week. We went to the Mayberry parade and hung out with the normal crew, then went for beers at one of the regular spots, which is always fun. After that, we went to hang out next door and swim with the ladies. It was a really nice and chill day. That weekend there was an ArnoCorps show. We got the Nama-sitter and the Husband and I went out for a night on the town. There was a kerfuffle about when the show started and we ended up getting there about 3 hours early. We had some cocktails and were having a delightful time. My darling, your girl decided to test the limits. I fought the laws of my limits and the law won. I got so sick that we had to pull over so that I could evacuate on the side of the highway. That is VERY un-Mrs. Collins like behavior. The next week was Feebs’s 10th birthday! I cannot believe my girlie is 10. I am thrilled and sad at the same time. I took the middle of the week off to spend with her. For her present she got to trade her full size trundle bed for a twin size loft bed. She was incredibly excited and loves her new nest. Fortunately, Sister #1’s daughter wanted the full sized bed, so they came and picked it up and we got hang out for the day. We also did the over night in Santa Cruz, like she always wants to do. She was really funny, this time she didn’t want to go on the rides, she just wanted to play the games. That weekend was her birthday party. Mommy was such a hot mess express that I didn’t get my stuff together in time to actually plan a party. I booked the park in time, but didn’t get invitations out or get anything ordered in time for it to be a party. So at the zero hour I asked what else she wanted to do to make up for not having a party. I checked with our core people and they were all prepared to go where ever she wanted to go. She chose one of the trampoline places near us, then to lunch after. I won’t lie and say that it wasn’t 6 times more expensive than it would have been if I had actually planned the party that was supposed to be planned, but she loved every minute of it and it was so chill. So needless to say, the first half of July was really great. Come Monday the 15th, my world came crashing down. I had noticed the week before that the weird buzzy feeling from 2022 was back, but I didn’t pay much attention to it because it never turned into anything else in 2022, and I figured it would go away in a month or two. Well, July 15 proved me wrong. By the end of the day, my vision was horribly blurry and the gritty pain and pressure (similar to when I had optic neuritis) was back in my left side. The left side of my face and body was numb and I was dizzy and disoriented. I was having sporadic headaches and all kinds of fun stuff. I finally called my mom and asked her to take me to the ER because I was afraid I was having a stroke. That was the entire second part of July. Doctor’s appointments, tests, possible diagnoses, wrong diagnoses, and a whole lot of brush offs and “you’re fines” from specialists. Fortunately, I didn’t have a stroke. My lesions do not show any changes, so my disease does not seem to be progressing. I got some really crappy doctors, but my PCP is heaven sent and advocated for me the entire time. By the end of the month I still had no answers, was missing a ton of work, and felt like hot flaming garbage all the time. My family was trying their hardest to be my cheerleaders and keep me going. I had to stop driving, by my choice, which made me feel like a burden and helpless. Poor Feebs was scared and wasn’t sure what was happening. She was trying to be helpful and understanding, but she kept asking everyone if I was dying and if I would ever get better. We were all scared and frustrated. It was obvious I would get no answers that month, but I was going to keep asking for them. I was working at home a lot, or just missing whole or partial days. I missed a bunch of family stuff, cancelled Feebs stuff and was ever so pleasant to be around at home, I am sure. My mental health tanked. So all in all, the second half of the month was so fun. I could look at any screens, couldn’t read papers, couldn’t look out windshields. The only think I could do was knit. I realized that my knitting muscle memory is so built in that I can look at my knitting without having to focus on it, so that made knitting the only possible thing for me to do. That is the entire reason that I was so productive with knitting in July.

So, I can’t say that the entire month was terrible. It had so many beautiful parts, and so many terrible parts. I got to celebrate my girl, and see Sister #1’s family, be supported and loved by my family, and feel like I have a tribe of people standing behind me. At the same time I was fearful for my life, my mental health was a dumpster fire, and I was left holding an industrial size basket of questions that still are unanswered. July was really a mix bag. I am choosing to focus on the good though. I will be positive and embrace the fact that I have made it this far. Hopefully there are answers to come and more treatment that will be useful to me.

Loves,

M

P.S. you will notice that the posting date of this is months after July. This couldn’t be helped for a series of reasons. July- October will all be a bit messy and overlapping due to the ongoing health bull-shit that is still unfolding. Good times, darling. Good times.